At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
