Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
