Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
