once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They took my balls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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