If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
