Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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