Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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