so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
