Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
