I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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