I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
