bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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