the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
