he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Found the puke drawer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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