What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
