I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
