Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
