12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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