Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
