Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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