he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
