It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
