two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
