My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
