So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
