She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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