First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize