Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize