Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
