i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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