I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
