HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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