No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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