so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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