Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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