Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
