Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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