i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
