Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
