I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
