I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
