When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We don't watch enough power rangers
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
