i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
