we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My vagina just recognized that song.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
