My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
