I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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