Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
