OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
