Swine flu is the new snow day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
