i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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