i can't believe i had my finger in that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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