I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize