is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
