You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
