This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
