I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
