New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
