bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
