Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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