3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
