I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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