onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
