he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize