Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize