So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
