the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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