I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
