I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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