i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize