watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
