Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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