wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
