So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
