Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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