Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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